World concept and ideas are shifting.

I find it very peculiar to see how my views of the world and personal ideas are shifting.
Altering my purpose.
Bringing in new life is truly altering my norm.

The mere fact that anything is capable of creating that spark of life and then grow it,

blows my mind.

There is something special/strange about being that carrier, life ship, incubator, peetry dish, vehicle, greenhouse, and pod,

for a human life.

 I am honored to bring something into this state of being from another state that is beyond our comprehnsion; hold it to a certain point of "almost complete", and then have it painfully enter the world as we know it.

Wild.

Does this scare me?

Yes.

But there is a seperate understanding of the enitre event that puts my human fears aside, and pushes an instinctual and magical feeling to the forefront.

I am beside myself.

A certain purpose of holding life has been given to me and I am only the carrier.

How can two people from create a life in such fragile environments?

Then to have something so tiny and micro in measure grow into a possible 6foot man.

Incredible.

Mind blowing.

An honor and responsibility given to only the female gender is such a huge gift that it truly moves my understanding of the world and ideas for the future.

I have always known the basics of life and pregnancy,

but until something is created out of nothing,

inside of you,

I realised that I know nothing and perhaps, finally, I am at peace with that.
Pre-pregant, my usual world concept and ideas for th future have always been full of fear of the unknown and a search for some answer of our purpose here.
I have spent years questioning, searching and being afraid of many things, such as death, the universe, the ocean floor, existence itself, what/who is our creator, is there a creator, how did we begin, where do we go after.
etc...etc...
Many sleepless night.
Countless discussions.
But.
Something has changed and is changing.
I am at peace with many of these concerns.
I will never stop my usual search and questioning. But the intensity is less overwhelming.
There is a trust that has been sparked inside of me.
The possibility of creating something out of nothing, calms my soul.

With all my love.
Vicky.

Matt&Vicky

     We have always been the planning type.
Matt more than me. Even conceiving was planned to a tee. That was more my doing because getting pregnant in September meant a few serious things to me. I had graduated from college finally. 8 years later. Also I would have enough time to return to CSUN to obtain my teaching credentials.       
     Also. I had reached a healthy weight, and felt strong. Would have preferred to have weighed less because 210 pounds is no skinny girl, but I do my best to keep up my health and strength.
     Well. We gave it the old college try and BOOM, it took a few days and we were pregnant. Matt was seriously proud of himself for his strong like bull abilities. As he would say. We have now been together for nearly 12 years an married 7 in June. 
     So we have reached a point in our journey and relationship, to now bring in another human to share all our adventures, knowledge an love with. We as partners and friends are strong, in love, and always working on bettering ourselves. 
     Forever, our relationship will take work and a conscious willing to change with the times. Matt and I are definitely not the same people we were when we fell hard for each other at 14 and 15, but our core and foundation are stable and in tact. 
     We are obligated to make sure the other one never strays too far away from who we really are. And we have to be aware and present at all times. Blink, and so much can change. 
     Getting pregnant truly feels like it just happened. But a season has passed. Fruit tree have blossomed and hibernated. 
     It has truly pushed our relationship into a higher more mature understanding of ourselves and the world that is our community. We spend hours talking over what our plans are in how to raise Harvey. 
     We are really seeing the serious responsibility it is to bring in another human into our community and our family. Harvey will be and adult longer than he is a child. So it is imperative that we understand this as we raise him. He must have a fun and fantastic childhood.            
     Imagination and dreaming is extremely important to being a creative and knowledgeable man. So, Matt and I have talked about this for nearly a decade and now is time to practice what we preach. 
     Are we ready? No and yes. But that's how we like it. And it's my job to remind him. We can only be as ready as we can be, but we have to be creative and open to change. Because there is a 100% chance of surprise. 
    We are closer than ever and still fight and debate. We are so in love and still annoy each other sometimes. I wouldn't have it any other way. 
     We are welcoming our first son, Harvey Dean Hinkley, into our world of adventures, searching for more knowledge, asking questions about everything.
     Matt and I just want to give him a world where he feels safe to dream and grow. 
     We give him his boundaries, knowledge of the outside world, etiquette, manners, morals and self discipline. Harvey will be his own person, and all we can do is guide. 
     As I write this, he kicks and bumps me. I cannot express how much I love his movement. He can't do it enough. 
     I know he will feel our love and respect for him as his own person. Matt and I are excited and scared but very ready for this change. We will do our very best and know we will not be perfect, but we have each other to keep us in line and open to being creative. 
     Matt and I cannot forget that happiness is #1.


I love you Matt. I love you for giving us our first son. I love you for being my strength and support through this journey. I feel safe bringing Harvey into this world because you will be by my side.
  
3more months to go.

Changing Body

.Changing.Body.

It hasn't only been my stomach. I have to share that my growing belly has been great. I have been welcoming every weird change and difference. Everyday it feels more firm and like a real pregnant belly. 

At least how I would imagine mine to be.

Nearly every night, Matt touches my belly and I make him touch my belly button, it is so weird and kind of gross. It's becoming flat! But Matt inspects all the changing muscles in my belly and is always ready to rub my back or feet.

He is so in love with my pregnant belly. So in love.

He loves all the changes and is honored to be watching all this take place. Matt will also do his occasional "I put a baby in you" dance. Which a few people have had the honor of seeing. Completely and honestly, he is excited and going through his own changes. 

But cannot imagine how I can do it everyday.

Entering into my later months, I carry a preconceived notion of how it "should" be. I keep reading articles and forums on how other mom-to-be are doing, and I really should stop. 

My pregnancy is, mine.

I keep up to date with what the "usual" should be at every week, and I'm on track.

The 1st trimester I actually lost 12 pounds.

Nurse said that was great, because I was going into this pregnancy slightly over weight anyhow. 

My blood pressure is better than ever.

I have, by now, gained back that weight, but it's stayed stable. Nurse says, I can only gain 1 pound from last appt. till this next one coming up on March 5th. 

I'm not too worried. 

My eating habits are healthier than ever, and less.

Of course, no added calories from alcohol anymore, so that helps. I've been enjoying fruits and red meats. Taking my prenatal vitamins and feeling awesome.

Doing my prenatal yoga once a week and walking.

I'm a sober, clean women.

My brains isn't fuzzy or clouded and I'm more alert than ever.

I even fit into my skinny jeans better than before pregnant.

Of course wearing it below my belly.

But so far, I'm all belly.

I have some days of pregnant brain.

 A few weeks ago, I took off with another ladies cart of Target. She chased me down, but then where was my cart with my purse in. Took me a while to find it. Nearly had a nervous breakdown in Target by myself. 

How embarrassing.

I had hoped she had seen my belly and understood the pregnant brain.

There's been a few funny moments of confusion.

A couple more moments of rage.

Thanks Hormones.

But I've been very serious about keeping them in check. 

Matt does NOT appreciate them.

And afterwards I feel horrible and like I can do better.

So to avoid as many hormonal moments as possible, 

I do my best to feel them bubbling up and distract myself with Happy things. 

example:old movies, coffee, fruit, music, naps, shower, drive.

Weird and unexpected event.

A couple weeks ago, my colostrum has began to already come in. [look it up]

Honestly, I was curious to see how ANY milk could come out of my nipples. I don't see any holes. 

But it looks like, all I have to do is take care of myself and my body does the rest. I don't have to do much.

My body knows exactly what to do and I trust it.

At times I feel so uneducated about being pregnant, but that's just my own fears of the unknown and change.

But, I research probably too much and I need to relax. 

Go with flow, and enjoy the journey.

Keeping myself happy, healthy, busy and educated.

The rest will happen by itself.

24 WEEKS...CHANGE IS NOW

Week 24 [6months] Tuesday, Feb. 28th 2012

There are a few major things to talk about.

Over the next few days, these are individual points I will write about.

They have been heavy on my mind.

and/or

Things that are happening in this changing body and world of mine. 

I will cover:

• Changing body.
• Matt and Vicky
• World concept and ideas are shifting.
• Working at Starbucks while pregnant.
• Movement!
• It's a BOY!
• Pains/Discomforts/Annoyances
• Craves/Wants/Needs/Loves
• Going back to school and when and why.
• Family
• House Hunting
• Organizing.
• Cleaning.
• Ultrasounds
• Exercise. [prenatal yoga/walking]
• Birth plan.
• Relaxing
• Intimacy [ being an adult and changing is mature]
• Love
• Babymoon [Vacation in San Francisco/Sacramento/Kirk Creek]
• Nerves/Fears/Worries/Overwhelmed/Scared
• Calling myself a parent. [MOM]
• ARE WE READY?!?
• OK with CHANGE [going with the flow] [family/friend support]

STAY TUNED...